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 The Jokes Thread

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La Voix
All That I'm Living For
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Fri Dec 03 2010, 15:39

good on Pete
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BrokenDemise
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Fri Dec 03 2010, 15:43

Things not to say to a police officer:

"Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!"
"How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me."
"I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!"
"Hey, you must've been doing' about 125mph (200km/h) to keep up with me! Good job!"
"You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?"
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La Voix
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Tue Sep 25 2012, 20:20

One day there was a little girl and it was her birthday, but her parents had to go out for the night so they hired a babysiter and told him to let the girl do whatever she wanted to do because it was her birthday.

So when the parents left, the little girl was playing and the babysiter got tired so he said "I'm going to take a shower and the little girl said "Oh, can I take a shower with you?" and the babysiter said " Uh, O.K. Just don't look down."

When they were taking a shower the little girl dropped the shampoo and when she picked it up she saw his dick and said "What's that?"

The guy said "Um, it's a ruber ducky" and the girl says "O.K."

Then the babysiter said "I'm tired I'm going to go to sleep." and the girl says "Can I go to sleep with you?" and the guy says "Um, O.K. Just don't look under the covers."

So when they're in the bed there's a thunderstorm and the girl gets scared and hides under the covers. Then she looks at the guys dick and says "Can I play with your rubber ducky because I'm scared" and the guy says " Uh, O.K." and he falls asleep.

The next morning he looks at the bed and he sees the there is blood all over the place and he asks the little girl "What Happened" and the little girl says"The rubber ducky spit at me so I chopped it's head off."
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La Voix
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Tue Sep 25 2012, 20:21

A man goes to his doctor for an annual check up.

The doctor says "I'll need you to come back tomorrow with a urine sample, a poo sample and a sperm sample".

The man replies "Right so doctor, I'll bring'em by tomorrow"

When he gets home his wife askes "Well what did he say ?"

The man replies "He needs me to bring in a pair of your underwear."
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La Voix
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PostSubject: Re: The Jokes Thread   Tue Dec 18 2012, 01:34

Yo mama's so old her social security number is 1!

Yo mama's so old she flicked the switch when god said let there be light!

Yo mama's so old that when she was in school there was no history class!

Yo mama's so old she's in Jesus's yearbook!

Yo mama's so old her birth certificate says expired on it!

Yo mama's so old she knew Burger King while he was still a prince!

Yo mama's so old she was a waitress at the Last Supper!

Yo mama's so old she ran track with dinosaurs!

Yo mama's so old her birth certificate is in Roman numerals!

Yo mama's so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook!

Yo mama's so old she sat behind Jesus in the third grade!

Yo mama's so stupid when she saw the under 17 not admitted sign, she went home and got 16 friends!

Yo mama's so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 Minutes!

Yo mama's so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

Yo mama's so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo mama's so stupid that she sold the car for gas money!

Yo mama's so stupid she asked you "What is the number for 911?"!

Yo mama's so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept!

Yo mama's so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put "O.K."!

Yo mama's so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out!
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